Settling Winds of Change

Autumn is a time of transformation. From the lush green to the warm gold and contemplative, earthy brown, the energy in the environment shifts. As I am preparing for the stillness of Winter, I am reflecting on how this beautiful movement from Summer to Fall is blessing me with growth. I am watching the leaves in my life change color. People, organizations, community, even this city is beginning to shed its sunny glow and reveal a deeper alchemical makeup. The color of an Autumn leaf is determined by the dominant color yielding chemical it is made of. So it is for everything. What is deep inside, the place where light and shadow do this lovely dance is where truth of character lives. December 11th will mark one year that I have been living here in New York. During this time, many have been angels for me. For this I am eternally thankful! Also, during this year I have had the opportunity to sift and sort out much, leaving the foundation for this beautiful network of abundance, community, friendship and support that have now become home for me. The internal shedding is the realest. I have met myself in the spiritual mirror repeatedly over the last year. This storm inside of my ethereal world has raised enormous dust, clouds and rain! The tumultuous roar is beginning to settle down slowly now. The messages are arising in the silence. I am expanded more. The difference between expecting what you know and expecting the best of what you’re creating is a vast, deadening abyss. This lesson brought so much clarity to the events that made up these past eleven months. The formula seemed to go: I learn from experience what did not work, therefore I know now what does work based on the failed experience. I draw your attention to a key error in that formula. Once I began to realize that the new information was still heavily based on the old, unwanted information, I identified the vinegar in the milk! Repeatedly I had been expecting behavior, circumstances and situations to be a particular type of way BASED ON PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE, and then saw the outcome of my expectations be completely debunked by a positive, wanted yet unexpected experience. More accurately, the desire and the contradicting expectation caused so much resistance that it was uncomfortable to hold that discordant disposition, which lead me to ‘give up’ in each occasion. This release of resistance, however seemingly small or brief, was just enough to allow the desired outcome instead of the outcome I had ‘learned from experience’ was the most likely (almost certainly) going to occur. I let go of the needing to guard myself through control and intellectual validation. It is enough that I know about what ‘usually’ is the case in any situation. It is unnecessary for me to re-creative negative outcomes simply because they fit what I know from experience. I was able to break some incredibly unsupportive cycles as well as allow energetic pivoting to happen in my experience faster! Energy shifts happen all the time. When I change the way I’m thinking, the way I feel follows and then the way the energy surrounding the subject also changes, resulting in an entirely different situation or circumstance manifesting around that focused thought. What happens when the ‘pivot’ opportunity presents itself and the time it takes to recognize that moment, pause and then switch focus is a long time? Instead of moving to the newly manifested experience that better matches what is desired, the awareness of what is NOT desired remains the dominant focus, which does not allow the switch in energy, the pivot, to provide the fertile soil for your newly created experience to root and blossom! The task here is realizing that what is desired is in the process of manifesting in a more immediate time frame. The chaotic energy, the feeling of not being in control, the uncertainty, the seemingly completely illogical chain of events and circumstances that ensue during the process of a pivot is disorienting. It feels like nothing makes sense and everything you thought you knew has been destroyed. However, if you remain malleable, ease the acuteness of your gaze a bit, broaden the range of peripheral vision, then you will be able to shift IN THE MOMENT as an opportunity presents itself. This is making yourself available for as close to instant manifestation as anyone I have known has ever gotten when dealing with high resistance/high desire/fast momentum creation. (And that is an expectation I’m rid of as well! I believe in instant, in the moment shifts, and therefore instant manifestation.) I saw myself move from rigidity to flexibility, dogmatic ritual to allowance and flow. I released my need to control ALL elements and happenings in the middle of shifting experiences. In return, I am emerging from a cocoon with brand new colors in my wings! Traditional ceremonial Cacao and shamanic breath work are two major teachers for me in this growth process. Cacao and her loving heart opening power provided me with an urge to love from a deeper place without all the caveats and conditions I had previously placed on such love. With an open heart, I was able to receive this lesson clearly! I was open to heal my own heart through journaling and breath work in places I previously had not known healing was even an opportunity. I am now more AVAILABLE for more love and faster shifts in my life than I have ever been before! I trust myself. I love myself. I am available for the storm just like I am available for the sunshine...look at what the rains reveal when the winds settle! So much more love. Make yourself available in the moments of uncertainty to the realization that what you are creating is appearing before your eyes. Let it happen!