Emotional Currency

Over time, I have identified some things I consider most important to me. The relative categories of value I have placed these important things in vary depending on subject matter. For example, access to a variety of great tasting food is generally important to me. Left alone in the ‘general life’ category, its level of importance is somewhere just above the median line. Meaning, when I don’t have this important thing, it is uncomfortable, yet slightly tolerable. Move that same thing to the relationship category and it gets closer to a deal breaking level of importance. In other words, I would prefer to have a partner whom would never ask me to give up this love of variety and great food for the sake of partnership. Therefore, I gravitate toward those who share similar views on dietary standards in regards to partnership. This provides a guideline for my emotional currency regarding partnership and food. Emotional currency is the outflow of expressive emotional energy. I spend emotional currency when I prepare a meal for someone. Preparing great food for a person has an emotional value for me. Gatherings at the dinner table and the meticulous preparation of family dinners I experienced as a child with my grandparents built a strong association between expressed love and food. I would never cook for someone I did not like. Also, I cook for those I want to show admiration or appreciation, and often love for. This type of endearment is special. When done on purpose, I am spending emotional currency! Now that we know what emotional currency is, here is the rule: Never spend more than you can stand to lose! Emotional currency is different for each person. It is identified by the intention to express particularly strong emotion through action. You will know what emotional currency looks like for you by discovering what is deeply important to you. These are things that move you emotionally. Anytime you offer these things to another person, there is a possibility of not getting ANY of the same currency back. Now, some of us make what is called ‘emotional INVESTMENTS’. What you need to know about emotional investments is that you can never make a withdrawal on them. The only way to recuperate an emotional investment is to actually receive a return on it - which is NEVER guaranteed. The risk is ALWAYS high. However, you will greatly minimize your losses by being judicious about whom you invest in. Make sure you take your time, get to know the person, ask lots of questions and go SLOWLY along the relationship path. Find out if you are acting on impulse, or on real factual information about the value the person adds to your life experience. Lastly, be real about how much you are willing to spend without return. If it is NOTHING, spend exactly NOTHING! If it is a little, spend only a little. The worst you can do is spend more than you are willing to lose, expecting an overcompensating return. Unless your giving is truly for the sake of giving, as in FREE, as in ‘If this person decides to walk away right now as if I never existed, I would feel exactly the same as I do now’, as in NO EXPECTATION OF RETURN, do not over spend your emotional currency. There are many situations where your currency will flow effortlessly toward another being. A parent to a child, is one such example. This is a much easier to understand circumstance in which emotional currency is spent without expectation of return (yet, even this only lasts unconditionally for about the first year, after which the expected return is obedience). There may be situations in which you find yourself not looking for a return. Check in with your self worth and be sure that this is for the right reasons. As it is not healthy to sell yourself short, becoming a Martyr for love! You can never over invest your emotional currency enough to make anyone love you. Know that you are worthy of the best partnership, the deepest love, and the most beautiful return on your investments! It’s wonderful to be selfless, and also lovely to be loved. While this is not a perfect analogy, I sincerely hope it puts some things into perspective. Let me know how it works out for you!