How to Talk About Size

Does Penis size matter? Quite frankly, it depends whom you are asking. A bizarre reoccurring dream and incredible life lesson insight from my best friend has inspired me to blog this topic, however from a slightly different perspective. Pleasure preferences are often as unique as fingerprints. Individual ‘turn ons’, erogenous zones, as well as genital physiology varies from person to person. The location of the most sensitive, responsive tissue inside a woman’s vagina differs from woman to woman. The size and shape best suited for her ultimate pleasure potential is particular to her physiology. Therefore, when asking the question, ‘does size matter’, it truly depends on what woman you’re asking. This blog however is not to debate whether or not a larger than average penis size is better. Rather, I want to highlight some communication practices that both men and women can use to improve the quality of relationship in the area of preferences. Consider the perspective of the man who is on an extreme end of the size spectrum. If he is somewhere closer to the extremely small spectrum, there may be a plethora of emotional issues associated with how he thinks of himself. Also, this self image may undoubtedly be further complicated by rejection, shaming and negative feedback from sexual partners that do not accept his size as adequate. This is a scenario that most would be familiar with when discussing the question of penis size and women. Have you ever considered that a man on the extreme end of the large penis spectrum may be having the exact same experience? It is often assumed that most women believe ‘the bigger the better’. For many women there is such a situation as TOO BIG. A man with an extremely large penis may also be regularly rejected, shamed and unsuccessful with sexual partners. This could greatly affect the way he interacts with women to whom he is attracted. Imagine being told no because your body is offensive, dangerous, undesirable, difficult, and a hinderance to pleasure rather than a desirable means to it. These are just some of the things men with an extremely large penis hear. The emotional damage to these men is as real as that of any woman feeling body shamed, rejected and told she isn’t physically acceptable. Having either, an extremely small or extremely large penis, can potentially be a devastating experience for a man. How women handle the conversation about either of these is incredibly important. I encourage women to first be intimately familiar with their own body type. Where are your most sensitive areas inside your vagina? Explore what types of pressure, depth, and rhythm works best for you. Often it is expected that men come preset with some universal skill set that makes them basically good (at best) in bed with any female. That is the biggest crock ever! We are all very unique in many ways, especially women. Even men have specific areas around the tip and along the shaft of their penis that vary in sensitivity from man to man. Be available to communicate lovingly about what you ALREADY know about your own body. Are you a woman with a very sensitive pleasure center very close to the opening of your vagina? Do you feel more sensitive somewhere very deep and high into the canal? This is valuable information for your mate! Instead of shaming a man for his size, or lack there of, these conversations can prevent disappointment by allowing discussions to be had BEFORE any clothing hits the floor. Also, it helps to improve the quality of any sexual experience when you know what to say to guide your lover. How these things are said are just as important as having the information to give. Avoid any response in the negative: “You’re not doing it right!”, “You’re terrible in bed.”, “Um, what do you think you’re going to do with THAT?!”, “Where’s the rest of it?!”. While most people find these statements and questions comedic, there is absolutely nothing funny about crushing a person’s spirit. A simple, “My preference is...because...” is good enough. Be sure to be honest and open, having an open line of communication very early in a relationship so that these discussions are not happening while his pants are around his ankles. Talk about what you know about your own body, what you like, what you need. Avoid commenting negatively about his anatomy - large OR small. Another good thing to keep in mind is that not every man with an extremely large penis feels particularly confident about his size. If he has experienced rejection from women who are afraid of his size, chances are he will not respond well to, “OMG! That thing is enormous!” Learn about your own needs, be open to the process of learning one another sexually over time, and communicate from love and compassion. Email me and let me know how things are going! Recommend reading: “Sexual Practices of the Quodoushka” by Amara Charles