Let’s Be Very Clear

Let’s be clear, I take my life lessons seriously. I do all I can to embody growth as quickly as possible. Relationships, however, are an area I seemed to hesitate in the most where growth is concerned. I have made changes in my personal standards and boundaries where love is concerned. I have recently tightened up the ropes and went deeper in my spiritual practice finding clarity about my past choices that have made me begin to make different ones. I know what I want and I know how to tell when I don’t have that in a person. I used to rationalize, compromise and justify accepting less than the best quality in a person because deep down inside I was telling myself that I was being unrealistic about the characteristics I was looking for in a mate. I feel quite differently now. More than possible, specific requests are now a requirement. These are not aesthetic requirements, but rather character and fundamental personality, demeanor, and spirit. Many details within these categories that were before treated as optional ‘icing on the cake’, are now fundamental ingredients needed to properly execute this recipe for Divine Partnership I have designed in my heart.

Here is where the beads of sweat swell up on the brow. I had been single, by default, not needing to actually confront how solidly those adjustments had been made in my spirit until someone I recently dated and lost contact with resurfaced unexpectedly in my life. The circumstances that brought the two of us back into communication are less important than the fact that I had to now deal with this splatter of beautiful paint all over my clean slate. The Universe most definitely has a sense of humor. I had to, in a matter of 24hrs, make decisions that were challenging because of my relationship standards and boundaries, then effectively communicate those decisions at the risk of never having this person in my life again. If I said it was easy to do, I would be blatantly dishonest. With all the conviction of my spiritual resolve, I still had my emotions and sexual needs to confront - in the moment. Blunt, but very real. I have no intention of sugar coating this. It is important to be as real as possible here. This is practical application of spiritual practice and growth. I had not been dating, involved, or in any ‘complicated’ situation since the last time I was involved with this person! All the emotions came rushing to the forefront and eventhough I knew he was short more than a few new deal breaking epiphanies of what is best for me to seek in a mate...I STILL wanted to forget I even made those decisions. Listen to me when I tell you, that was the most difficult uber ride home I ever had to take. Have you ever said no in slow motion? Changing relationship boundaries gracefully, even if one intends to stay acquainted, feels so unpleasant when there is no bad blood. I refused to do to him what I had experienced from others in the past. I had to say no, instead of going forward knowing I wanted something different from what he could ever offer. I reserved my affections until real, transparent communication happened between the two of us. I did not need to force that conversation, however I would not have waited passive aggressively for him to initiate it either. I put myself in a position that removed immediate gratification of valid needs - natural desires. I can easily have those desires met without addressing what I see as important to my vision for a life mate. Not every encounter is about forever, but that conversation, at that moment, was one I was having with my spirit. For the sake of clarity as an action and not merely an intellectual concept, I chose higher stadards over immediate  gratification. I chose to honor my spiritual work, my growth and myself as worthy of so much more than my base desires. In the moment it felt like shit. I felt disappointed, denied; like rejecting myself. I felt like the unfair person in the room eventhough I had his complete, guilt free (slightly reluctant) cooperation. 

Later, the sense of accomplishment came. Having put my clarity into active, in the moment decision making felt good. I did it against my instincts, against my body, against the logical choice presented by the circumstances. That is difficult, yet clearly not impossible. I want to continue to choose what is better for me. I know what my mate feels like in my spirit and I want to continue to weigh my suitors accordingly before I consider renegotiating important boundaries. I will continue to categorize people in my life appropriately, no matter what the circumstances. There is no need to confuse non-candidates for possibilities EVER AGAIN. Let’s be VERY clear, that distinction has been made...in my soul. 

Where have you leveled up your growth lately? How have you put those points of intellectual epiphanies into practice? How did it feel to make those changes? Are you able to forgive yourself when you fall short? Contact me and let me know how you’re putting your evolution into action. Stay encouraged and love yourself!