No Kiss, No Love

Through the course of a relationship you will be asked to be uncomfortable on occasion. Not by your partner, but by your circumstances, by your insecurities and by your past. Take note of when you feel anything less than good. Find a place in yourself that allows you a certain detachment so that you may become the observer instead of the reactive person. Why do you feel uncomfortable? What thoughts were you having when you first noticed the shift in emotion? Try to 'see' yourself. I was having a normal day with my significant other on the way to a sporting event. I was so excited as we had not seen one another all week! I was happy. Halfway to our destination I noticed a drop in my mood. We were having a great time, lighthearted laughter even. By the time we arrived, I was completely irritated, even though I smiled anyway. Why?! He had not done anything nor said anything wrong! I asked myself what I had been thinking and found one sentence repeating in my mind, "He didn't even kiss me hello." Why the hell was THAT a catalyst for dismay when we were having such a great ride? This is where being able to take a look at yourself in the moment counts the most. My answer was clear when I asked myself how this sentence made me feel. I felt unattractive, less desired, fearful that his attention and affection may be waning. Fear of rejection and abandonment. All THAT! Simply because he had not kissed me, yet. As ridiculous as this may sound, it matters. It is important to be able to pivot in these moments of internal issues surfacing. In all relationships there will be triggers for past hurts and old energy to resurface and be dealt with. I dealt with it by simply expressing to him that I missed his kisses. He immediately gave me the sweetest little kiss ever. Fixed? Not exactly. I was reassured, however the internal work and healing only started there. I had to divorce myself from the way things had been going for me in the past by marrying myself to the commitment to seeing myself in truth. I am constantly reminding myself to think of my worthiness, my divinity and how lovely I see myself FIRST! When I know it, it does not need reassurance. The affection is then what it should be. An endearment to be accepted and appreciated and returned instead of a measuring tool for my self esteem. I do the work daily and in the moment. This is healing.